


If You Could Say it Again

by justgotowisharder



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blow Jobs, Bottom Louis, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Fluffy, Innocent Louis, Insecure Harry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 12:25:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justgotowisharder/pseuds/justgotowisharder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where people can say “I Love You” only once in their lives, Harry Styles speaks his words to a fluffy Hippopotamus. And it’s fine, because it's Harry's best friend and he loves him. Everything’s fine, until it’s not. He meets Louis Tomlinson, and he understands the mistake he made.<br/>Sadly, it’s too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Could Say it Again

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo this is my last fic of the 2013 :) Hopefully, 2014 will be filled with more fics (i'm not planning to stop writing anytime soon haha). 
> 
> I think nowadays people say i love you way too much, the feeling isn't really there. That's why I wrote this. 
> 
> Hope you guys like it, happy new year to all of you (i know it's not new year yet, but whatever), enjoy and don't forget to say hello: tumblr [ijustgotowisharder](http://ijustgotowisharder.tumblr.com/). much love for you!
> 
> [ [ Read this story in Russian. Translation by Natasha ]](http://ficbook.net/readfic/1530403)
> 
>  
> 
> [ [ Read this story in Polish ]](http://larryisrealyoubitch.tumblr.com/post/76845318766/if-you-could-say-it-again-tlumaczenie)  
> 

Five years old Harry Styles loves a lot of people. A lot, honestly, because he’s the kind of boy who gets really attached to people. He wants to say _“I love you”_ so much. He wants to speak those words and see the happy smiles on the people’s faces. 

Five years old Harry, with his big green eyes, his happy smile, his bouncing curls and his endearing smile makes every single soul fall for him. Everybody says he’s a little cherub with fancy curls and happy eyes and Harry doesn’t disagree (he doesn’t really know what’s a cherub, but it sounds nice, so)

Harry knows he loves a lot of people. For example, he loves his kindergarten teacher. She’s lovely and she always gives Harry the pink crayons, the one he likes the most. She's also really smart and teaches him a lot of useful stuff like the abecedary or how to count. Harry is pretty sure he loves her.

Also, Harry loves Raul, the old man who works at his mommy’s favorite bakery. Raul knows Harry is a cupcake fanatic, so he always waits for him with the biggest, tastiest cupcake of all. Harry loves Raul without doubt in mind.

If Harry made a list of the people he loves, it would be endless. Harry knows he loves a lot of people, but for some odd reason, his mother doesn’t let him say _'I love you'_ to all those friends of him.

Not even to her.

She explains to Harry that telling someone “ _I Love You_ ” is like a treasure, something really exclusive and special. You can say it only once; once you have said it _, you can never ever say it again_.

At the very first moment, Harry insists on telling his mommy that he loves her. If he only has one chance, no one deserves his “I love you” more than Anne. She’s so nice, such a good mommy to him…

Anne doesn’t let him, anyway. She finally gives him the talk ( _everyone knows about the talk, all parents must give it to their child someday_ ), explaining that one day he’ll find a lovely person and fall in love and that’s when Harry has to say it.

That’s when Harry will be allowed to finally say _I love you_.

Harry understands because he’s not stupid, he has watched all Disney movies and he knows that Rapunzel, Aurora and Tiana aren’t saying “ _I love you_ ” all the time, they just say it at the end of the movie.

Maybe he has to wait till the end of his own movie to speak the words.

He decides to wait for the right person; but then it comes the day when he finds a person he really wants to say the three forbidden words. Not his teacher, not Raul, not his mom… _Mr. Hippo._

Mr. Hippo is the last fluffy pet his father gives to him before he divorces his mom to be gone forever. The last fluffy gift he gets and he will get from Des Style and the last thing he will receive as a kid. Harry loves Mr. Hippo, and there’s nothing more important than the fluffy hippopotamus Des gave to his son.

As a result, one night, with his eyes puffy because of the crying, wrapped on his blankets, hugging Mr. Hippo, Harry softly pecks the fluffy pet on the head and finally whispers, “I love you.”

It doesn’t feel bad. It doesn’t feel as good as he thought it would feel, either. It was like saying _“I’m going to take a bath_ ” or saying hello to Raul.

It was _normal._

Five years old Harry comes at the conclusion that maybe his mom makes a big fuss about something silly and not so important. Also, she had said “I Love you” to his dad and well… They’re divorced now.

Harry is sure he will never get divorced with Mr. Hippo, which means his words weren't wasted.

That’s how Harry Styles ends up convinced that saying “ _I love you_ ” to Mr. Hippo was the best thing he could have done. He lives with that conviction and he’s happy.

But then he meets Louis Tomlinson and he understands the mistake he made. Sadly, it’s too late.

 

♥

 

Nineteen years old Harry Styles has been in love with Louis Tomlinson since he was fifteen. Everything about his best friend makes his heart race and his body feel light and warm inside. From his tiny stature to his bum, his eyes, his beard to his… His everything. Louis's everything makes Harry happy.

Nineteen years old Harry Styles still lives in a world where people can only say _“I Love You”_ once in their lives. Of course he tried to say it one more time, but it’s fiscally impossible. It’s like having daggers on your throat, like trying to walk bare feet on burning fire, like trying to get into a stink full of broken glass… It’s like trying to fly: it doesn’t matter how hard you try, you can’t do it.

He never told his mom or his sister, much less his best mate Louis, about his stupid mistake. He feels so embarrassed every time he thinks about the day he lost his three beloved words in a fluffy hippopotamus; he isn't sure that he will ever have the guts to confess his mistake.

He still keeps the fluffy pet; he also sleeps with him, because it’s kind of important for Harry to keep the thing that received his most important words. Anyway, he still has hope, because he never ever heard Louis tell someone “I love you”, and even when he has had some girlfriends, he’s pretty sure he never fell in love really.

Harry knows he loves Louis in a way he will never love anyone again. A love like his, a love so strong and thast has no boundaries, that kind of love isn't found twice. He finds different ways of letting Louis know how much he loves him: they cuddle a lot, they live together, they share the bed when Louis can’t sleep, Harry cooks for him, they talk about children… Harry set his life up as if he was Louis’s husband.

Pity that he isn’t really his husband and Louis doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that his best friend is helplessly in love with him. And probably he’d never know, because when someone is in love they say “I love you” and Harry can’t say it anymore.

 

♥

 

Twenty years old Harry Styles can’t live anymore without knowing if Louis has said the words already. So one night, when Louis is warmly wrapped in Harry’s arms, cuddling in bed, trying to enjoy the warmth of each other’s bodies, protecting each other from the snow storm which is falling outside… Well, Harry really wants to know.

“Lou." His voice sounds husky and a little bit slow for his likeness. 

Sleepy Louis pokes his head up and looks at Harry, smiling lazily. The light from the nightstand lamp makes him look like an angel glowing in heaven just for Harry, his messy hair falls funnily on his forehead. He hasn't shaved and Harry finds his beard incredibly attractive. In moments like those, Harry really regrets saying the words.

“Tell me, Harry Styles,” Louis says and snuggles against Harry’s like a kitten. “It’s so damn cold here. Don’t you mind that I’m like— too close to you, don’t you, Harold?”

“I never mind having you close, nope, Lou,” Harry says, shaking his head. Louis thanks him with a big smile and rests his head on Harry’s chest.

“Tell me, Harold. What’s on your mind?”

“I was—” He stops for a minute, trying to find the courage he doesn’t have, and he knows he won’t find. “I was wondering if you have— like— ever said the words.”

Louis freezes under Harry’s arms, For a moment, the younger boy gets the horrible feeling that, yes, Louis has spoken the words. But right then, he shakes his head and nuzzles his head against Harry’s bare chest.

“Such a loser I am,” he mutters, kind of ashamed, “but no. Never.”

Harry can’t express how much of a relief he feels. It feels as if a heavy bag was ripped out of his back and now he feels lighter. He knows that Louis is going to use his words eventually, but he rather think that the moments is really far, far away in the time.

“It’s not loser, Lou,” Harry assures and squeezes Louis’s body, “it’s cute. You didn’t find the one who deserve them.”

“Guess so,” Louis nods and his voice sounds drown.

God, if Harry could have written down how much he loved Louis, he would have done it. But, you see, true love can’t be expressed by words. Only the three words Harry already used are a very sight approximation of how it feels like. Nothing, nothing will ever compare to the love he has for Louis.

They remain on silence a long, long time. The tic-tac of the clock its the only sound which fills the room, and Harry can feel Louis’s heart beating right next to him. He closes his eyes and rests his head on the mattress, and then, Louis speaks, “And you, Harold?”

Harry pretends to be asleep so he doesn’t have to answer the question.

 

♥

 

“I don’t want to!” Louis yells, punching the wall. “I don’t fucking want to, Harry, I’m really tired of this shit.”

A well-dressed Louis falls in the ground, made a sobbing mess. He curls up against the wall and wipes furiously his tears before raising his eyes at Harry. The younger boy kneels down at his side and pulls him into an embrace. Louis kindly lets himself be guided by his friend, and curls up on Harry’s lap. Meanwhile, Harry slowly caresses Louis’s back in his best effort to console him.

“Sh, Louis, it’s fine. It’s just your mom getting married, not the end of the world.”

“She’s getting married for the third time, Harry,” Louis says angrily, and his eyes grow wet, but he does his best to hold the tears back. “I already got attached to two dads; I don’t want a third. She’ll probably throw it up like the others and then— I want a family, Harry! A fucking family!”

Harry would have said how willing he was to raise a family with Louis but, of course, he can’t say the words so Louis would have thought he was telling it for pity or compassion.

“Lou, it’s her life. Keep going, baby, you can raise a family by your own.”

“She’s getting married and she already spoke the words, so I know she’s not getting married for true love.”

“Some people get married because the idea of being alone scares them,” Harry whispers in Louis’s ears, and it sounds so sad, but it’s so true.

Louis says nothing at it, just buries his face on the crook of Harry’s neck and remains quiet until his sobs are finally gone. Harry’s skin is wet with Louis’s tears, but he doesn’t care a bit. He doesn’t care a bit about anything but Louis. His, his Louis.

“This shit,” Louis begins to talk, voice chocked. He moves away and faces Harry, his beautiful eyes so inflated. “This shit scared me, Harry. I never used the three words because I saw how my mom wasted them and— I don’t want the most important three words of my life to be wasted.”

“They won’t,” Harry says but now he’s the one whose voice sounds choked. Louis notices it, so he gives to Harry the 'i-know-you-re-hiding-something' kind of gaze.

“What’s wrong, Harry?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

“It’s nothing, Lou,” Harry says and he hides his face in Louis’s shoulder. Louis grabs him by his neck, pulling him away until he can see straight into Harry’s eyes.

“Harry, sunshine, you’re crying.”

“I’m not,” Harry denies but oh, he feels his cheeks wet so he might be crying actually.

“Harry! I made you upset! I’m so sorry, sunshine,” Louis whispers and puts a soft, loving kiss on Harry’s cheek. “Harry, please, talk to me.”

Harry raises his eyes just to meet Louis’s worried ones. And he really thinks he has never seen anything as stunning as Louis. He understands that maybe having one “I love you” to say isn’t a wrong thing, because when you meet that one person who deserves the words… well, you don’t want to tell the words to anyone else.

“Harry, you—”

Harry covers Louis’s mouth with one of his massive hands. The older boy just stops talking and closes his eyes, letting Harry be the guide. Harry glides his hand until he cups the back of Louis neck. After that, Harry leans into kiss him.

Their lips press softly against each other, cold and dry because of the cold weather. Harry’s hands runs down Louis’s body until he place them on his back, pushing his boy against him the more as he can.

Louis’s lips taste as vainilla and chocolate, and every single thing Harry loves to taste. Louis slowly wraps his arms around Harry’s neck and tilts his head to one side; Harry opens his mouth slightly, licking Louis’s lips with his tongue.

“Haz,” Louis mutters without breaking the kiss, and then he opens his mouth and their tongues join in a soggy and needy kiss. “Haz, I really like you,” Louis says between kisses. Harry smiles against Louis’s lips, making Louis giggle.

“I like you too, Lou,” Harry replies and oh, it doesn’t feel good. Harry thought that saying cheesy things would be a replacement for the three words, but once you fell in love, there aren’t words to speak out the feelings as the ones he already lost. Harry brings Louis closer to kiss him again, harder and passionate.

It’s the strongest, beautiful and most breathtaking kiss Harry had ever had, their lips join as they were meant to be kissed by each other. But he knows, he knows that even when it’s just started, it’s already over, because he doesn’t have to words for Louis, and he’ll find better.

 

♥

 

Twenty one years old Harry Styles calls himself Louis Tomlinson’s boyfriend, and nothing makes him prouder that that. After finishing school, he starts studying to be a photographer, while Louis keeps going on with his acting career.

It all seems pretty wonderful, Harry might say. Life with Louis Tomlinson is what Harry considers the meaning of happiness. Even in his darkest hours, he knows Louis is going to be there to light up the whole world with his smile. And if Louis is a little mean with most of people, well, Harry makes him a better person.

Twenty-one years old Harry Styles starts sensing that Louis wants to hear the words. Harry knows how much he deserves them; also he knows Louis won’t speak his words to him because he’s scared to be abandoned as his mother was abandoned. Louis is waiting for Harry to speak the words, but, oh, Harry has no words at all.

 

♥

 

“Harry… Haz, what do you feel for me?”

They’re cuddling on the bed in the same position as always: Harry spooning Louis from behind, face resting right next to Louis’s neck, inhaling his smell, and his arms wrapped around his boy’s waist; Louis’s fingers intertwined with his own.

It’s a normal night in a normal after a-snogging-session-time when the voice of Louis comes with the most feared question in Harry’s life.

He just hugs Louis tighter and plants a soft kiss in the back of his neck. His heart is beating energetically on his chest, and he closes his eyes in a failed attempt to control his emotions.

He wants to say “I love you more than life”, but he can’t spell the words.

“Harry?”

“What about you?”

“Oh, Harry, this is not fair!” Louis exclaims and turns around until he’s facing Harry. The younger boy still has his eyes closed. “Open your eyes. I just want to know. I mean, I think I—”

Harry quickly opens his eyes; he unties his arms from Louis and quickly covers Louis’s mouth with his hands. Louis growls on annoyance and gets rid of him.

“Don’t say,” Harry begs and his voice sounds really broken. “Please.”

“But Harry, I— I feel them.” he whispers. “You know this scares the shit out of me, you know how hard it is for me to speak those words— But Harry, I feel them now.”

It’s horrible. If Harry wants to know which the worst feeling is in the entire word, there it is: not being able to say “I love you” back to the person he loves the most.

“Louis, I’m so sorry,” he apologizes without giving any explanation and breaks into sobs. He clutches his boyfriend between his arms and kisses endlessly his hair, muttering sorry's over and over again.

“Sorry about what?” Louis asks; voice trembling. “Please, Harry, you’re scaring me! Sorry about what?”

“I— I already said the words, Louis,” he confesses and that’s when he loses it. He starts crying hard, body shaking with the sobs, hugging Louis so tight that it might hurt him. He’s ready to hear it; he’s ready to hear Louis rejecting him.

He closes his eyes and holds his breath, but after a moment of waiting, the only thing he feels it’s a pair of soft lips against his own.

“Do not care, Harry,” Louis whispers and Harry knows he’ll regret it. “I don’t mind; it’s fine.”

“I’m so sorry,” Harry stutters again, “I told it to a fucking fluffy pet. Mr. Hippo.”

“The hippopotamus right there?” Louis asks, pointing at the chair where the fluffy pet is placed.

“Yes,” Harry nods. “Yes. I was five years old, and I never regretted using the words until I met you.”

“It’s fine, Harry.”

“No, I know it’s not. You deserve the words, Lou. You’ll find someone better, you deserve better.”

“I don’t want better,” Louis murmurs and it hurts because he’s crying too.

Harry says nothing. He stays in silence and Louis is capable to hear his breathing. Harry wants him to say something because he’s feeling really bad, really hurt, because he knows Louis deserve someone who gives him the most important words in the planet.

Harry places his middle finger underneath Louis’s chin, moving his face a little, so he’s looking into his eyes. Harry’s eyes are teary; his entire expression is weepy.

“You— you mean it?” Harry asks with a weak and low voice.

Louis nods hysterically with the head. Harry smiles and slowly slides his free hand to Louis’s neck, caressing his skin. Louis closes his eyes, enjoying Harry’s touch, feeling every bit of his body paralyzed by the boy who’s right beside him.

“Thank you,” Harry whispers. Louis opens his mouth slightly and breathes deep. Harry cups his hand on Louis’s neck. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“You just—”

But Louis doesn’t have time to give a proper explanation, as Harry presses his lips against his own. Louis sighs onto the kiss and quickly surrounds Harry’s waist with his hand. Harry kisses him passionately, pulling him into his arms. Their lips brush softly many times, slowly, like two kids having their first kiss.

“Harry, Harry,” Louis says and his voice sounds husky. He wants to scream everywhere how much in love he is with Harry, but he isn’t sure if he has to.

Harry just holds Louis close and tilts his head to one side, eyes closed and lips against Louis’s. He bites slowly Louis’s lower lip and the older boy gasps at the motion, opening his mouth, deepening the kiss, desperate for Harry’s taste.

“You’re killing me,” Harry mutters between kisses, while Louis slides by the bed until he’s sitting on Harry’s lap, legs spread on each side. “Killing me, get it?” Harry asks, breaking the kiss. He clutches Louis’s face on his hands and looks at him seriously.

“Sorry, I guess,” Louis answers, not knowing exactly what to say.

“Don’t be,” he says, shaking his head, “because, oddly, I never felt so alive before.”

Louis doesn’t have words to answer, so he just moves up and joins their lips again, and this time their kiss turns more needy and passionate fairly quickly. Harry runs his hand by Louis’s chest, feeling his heart pounding on his chest until he reaches his shirt. He waits a moment, expecting Louis to reject him, but as Louis doesn’t say anything, he takes his shirt off.

Louis moves back a little, ready to undress Harry as well. Meanwhile, Harry’s hand run can’t take his hand off his perfect boyfriend.

“Why are you so perfect, Louis?” Harry asks, but he’s not expecting any answer. He kisses Louis’s shoulder and then plants open mouthed kisses by the lines of his jaw, going down to his neck. Louis inclines his head back, gasping when Harry sucks the sensitive spot on his neck.

Harry feels Louis’s half hard cock rubbing against his, so he shoves his crotch up and grasps Louis by his hips, pushing him down. When they dicks rub against each other, the noisiest and beautiful moan comes out from Louis’s mouth.

Harry tries his best to keep his eyes fully open, because Louis on him, moaning… it’s one of the best things he has ever seen.

“Want you to ride me,” Harry mutters, grabbing Louis by his neck, pulling him into a soppy kiss. Louis suddenly stops kissing Harry back and his hands drops Harry’s chest. The younger boy stares at his boy and intertwines their fingers together. “It’s fine if you don’t want,” Harry adds instantly; his voice sounds really husky. To be honest, he’s dying on the need to fuck Louis, but he’s willing to wait. “I can wait if you’re not ready yet.”

“S’not that, Harry,” Louis mutters, cheeks blushing. “It’s like— I’d love to ride you but— I’m kind of— I have never been with a guy before, you see.”

Harry’s heart breaks into millions of pieces. The words Louis speaks are like daggers to his heart: because Louis’s giving to Harry even his virginity and Harry can’t give him anything. Not even the words.

“Want to wait?” Harry asks, trying to sound collected.

“No,” Louis shakes his head and pecks Harry on the cheek, the gesture reminds Harry to a ten years old guy trying to kiss his crush, so cute, so innocent. “I want to be with you. Tonight.”

Harry raises his hand up to Louis’s face and caresses his pinky and swollen lips with the tip of his thumb. Louis says nothing but stares at his boyfriend, expecting his reply.

“I’ll teach you,” Harry whispers and approaches his face to Louis. The older boy's eyes flutter shut, expecting to be kissed, but Harry only teases him, breathing against his mouth. Louis parts his lips a little, breathing loudly. “I’ll make you feel good, Lou,” Harry whispers before closing the distance between them.

He rolls to one side without breaking the kiss until Louis is under him. He slowly starts undressing his boy; when he pulls back and breaks the kiss, Louis raises his head, searching for his kisses. Harry smirks at him.

“Lovely,” he says. His heart is racing on his chest and probably he has never felt this alive before. Louis just lets Harry be the guide, kissing and touching him in every opportunity he has.

“You’re,” Harry pants, putting open mouthed kisses all along Louis’s belly, “you’re perfection made human, Louis.”

Louis whines in response, tugging Harry’s curls with his hand. Harry keeps kissing down his belly until he reaches Louis’s hard cock. He carefully covers it with his massive hand, at what Louis moans his name in a dazzling needy way, and looks down to his boyfriend.

“Beautiful, beautiful like this,” Harry whispers and then puts Louis’s cock inside his mouth, tongue working with it, going up and down.

“Harry,” Louis moans and shoves his hips up, trying to put his cock full inside Harry’s mouth, and thanks of God it’s big enough to cover it up almost entirely. Harry yelps while he works up on Louis's dick, the sound sending waves of pleasure all by Louis’s body.

Harry works up and down Louis’s hard cock; soon his tongue brushes the head of Louis’s cock, which is already leaking pre-cum, and then he suddenly pulls off, licking his lips provocatively.

“Don’t stop, please,” Louis begs and Harry extends his hand to Louis’s mouth, resting a finger against his lips.

“Sh, Lou,” he orders. “Now lick my fingers, pretty boy.”

Louis obeys, opens his mouth and licks Harry’s fingers in a way that makes Harry think that Louis’s blowjob are, surely, the best fucking thing in the whole world.

Once it’s done, he clutches Louis by his hips and slides his wet fingers until he reaches Louis’s bum. He slides the tip of his middle finger by the ring of Louis’s hole, making him whine and murmur nonsense.

"Have you ever fingered yourself, Lou?" Harry asks, and he’s pretty sure about the answer, but he wants to hear it anyway.

"Yeah—" Louis whines. Harry introduces his long finger inside Louis, and he makes a choking noise.

"Do you like it?" Harry asks and his voice sounds lower than usual, if that's possible.

"Your—" Louis stutters and then Harry puts another finger inside, curling them inside Louis. "Your fingers feel so much better."

"I'm glad," Harry whispers and kisses Louis's tummy, glancing at his hard cock, "so glad."

He has three fingers inside Louis now, and the older boy can't stop the moans. He arches his back, biting hard his lower lip in a failed attempt to stop being so loud.

"Are you ready?" Harry asks over but he might as well sounds like he's begging for Louis to let him fuck him.

"Yes,” Louis nods, and his eyes flutter open to look at his boyfriend. “God, fuck me, Harry."

Harry removes his fingers and he slides by the bed until his mouth finds Louis's. He captures his lips in a wet kiss, shoving his tongue almost violently down Louis's mouth.

"Need lube," he whispers between kisses, and stretches an arm to his nightstand, where the lube is kept.

Once he gets the lube, he moistens his cock with it. Meanwhile, Louis strokes the line of the birds in Harry's chest with his fingertips, enjoying the stunning boy he has on top of him.

Harry then grabs Louis by his tights, one on each hand, and kisses his boy softly on the lips before speaking.

"Wrap your legs around my waist, baby," he asks gently. Louis quickly does what Harry asks him, and the younger boy places the tip of his dick in the entrance of Louis's hole. "Gonna hurt at first," Harry warns Louis.

"Just do it," Louis pants, so horny and needy. "Please, fuck me."

Harry bites his lower lip, holding back a moan, and shoves his dick inside him. Louis cries at the first intrusion, slapping the bed with his hands and gripping the sheets.

"Harry-" Louis chokes and Harry bends to kiss him, trying to make his pain fade away.

Harry waits for Louis to adjust at him, and then starts moving in. Louis can't hold back the moans, being the loudest, which sends Harry over the edge.

"So tight," Harry whimpers, feeling Louis's arse stretching around his cock, giving him a pleasure hard to put on words. Harry opens his mouth in a silent cry of pleasure and close his eyes, his body already trembling. "So good, you're so fucking good."

Louis's blue eyes are shining with tears of pain, Harry really needs and wants him to feel good so he suddenly stops shoving in and kiss his boy on the neck. His hand runs by Louis’s sweaty hair and pulls from it a little.

"Don't stop, please," Louis moans and wow, his voice sounds needy as Harry never heard before. With only listening to him, Harry just thrusts in harder and hits Louis's spot; the older boy cries Harry's name and his sounds turn into begs of moremoremore and needy moans.

Harry's close now, he can see and feel nothing but Louis, the pleasure controlling every cell of his body. He attempts to pull out his cock before coming, but Louis stops him with a move of his hands.

"Don't," he begs, opening his beautiful eyes. His face looks angelic now, sweating, and lips puffy and furiously red, mouth slightly open. "Come inside me."

"Lou," Harry gasps and, with a last move, he's coming all inside Louis, reaching the most intense orgasm which turns his mind blank and dizzy, filling his boyfriend with his cum. He quickly wraps his hand around Louis's cock, rubbing it up and down. “Cum for me, pretty,” he asks, at what Louis comes crying Harry's name.

Harry feels his body numb, so he falls on top of Louis and lazily pulls out. He waits for their breathing to come back to a normal rhythm, their bodies lacking of energy. He wraps Louis with his arms and kisses his sweaty forehead.

"Hii, Louu," he says and Louis opens his eyes, smiling idly to him.

“Hi, babe.”

"How are you feeling?" He asks. Louis rolls into a ball beside Harry, who holds him on his arms as the most valuable treasure in the universe.

"Good. My arse hurts, but... Harry, thanks," he says, his voice soft and loving. "It was perfect."

"Thanks to you, Lou," Harry corrects him, kissing the tip of his nose. "Thanks for letting me be your first."

"I wouldn't have chosen anyone else."

And it's the right time. Harry knows it'd be the perfect time to say the words, because suddenly reality hits him. Suddenly he understands that he wants to spend the rest of his life being Louis's one and only, he wants to spend every single minute with him. He wants to be married with Louis.

And when you find your soul mate, your better half, well... You want him to know. That's why the words "I love you" exist. And Louis deserves them.

"Lou," Harry calls and untangles his body from Louis's. He sits up on bed, staring at his boyfriend, who's frowning at him.

"What's wrong, sunshine?"

"Louis, I—"

They burn. They burn like the worst angina in the world; they burn like fire. Harry's words get lost; his voice fails him.

Louis immediately understands what Harry is trying to do, so he approaches to him and kisses him.

“Louis I—” Harry tries to speak, but his words get lost again into his throat. Its burns like fire, it aches like hell. “I— lo—”

Louis shuts Harry up with a soft kiss and caresses his bare chest.

“Don’t need to tell them, Harry.”

“I want to,” Harry says with a rough voice. He thinks about the words and opens his mouth to tell them once again, but fuck, it’s so painful.

His body starts shaking and he feels like he’s having fever. He closes his eyes and wipes the drops of sweat falling by his forehead. Louis wraps Harry’s hands with his own, worried.

“Harry, stop,” he commands, getting closer to his boyfriend. Harry makes a wave with his hands to stop him.

Louis deserves them. Louis worth the pain.

“I lov—”

Every single letter burns. Harry’s throat feels like he has swallowed broken glass. He feels dizzy and abruptly the room is spinning. His arms feels weak and unexpectedly he has no forces enough to stand by his own, so he falls into his boy’s arms. Louis catches him and falls on panic.

“Harry, stop, please, this is killing you.”

“I want to,” Harry sobs. He sounds like he has been running for hours, exhausted, having not forces at all. He opens his eyes and over the dizziness and the urge of throwing up, and the fact that he can barely feel his body now… he sees Louis’s eyes shining.

And he knows how he feels.

“I love you with my whole being, Louis,” he mutters and even when the words rip his throat and burn his tongue, he says them again. “I love you like I never loved anyone before.”

Every bit of his body aches as fuck. His mind turns blank, and he isn’t capable of think about anything, not even his name. His pulse is speeding up like crazy, and his lungs feel oppressed. The only thing he hears is Louis.

“Harry don’t leave me! Harry I want you here, please!” he yells, lost in a deep desperation. He grabs Harry by his arms and shakes him, trying to wake him up. He’s made a sobbing mess, kissing Harry on the mouth, his tears falling on Harry’s skin. “Harry, please! Don’t leave me! Harry, fuck you, stay with me! Harry Styles, I love you!”

Before falling into the darkness, Harry hears the words, and for the very first time in his life, the thinks: yeah, it was worth it.

 

♥

 

Harry wakes up feeling his mind woozy and a strong stitch that is irritating his throat. He doesn’t open his eyes at first, listening to the sounds surrounding him. There’s nothing else than a constant beep and something that sounds like sobs. Someone’s crying, actually.

Harry tries to move his body, but he gives up quickly, as every single inch of his body aches on pain. He feels like he just ran a marathon of miles and miles without any practice before.

Finally, the boy opens his eyes. He finds himself lying on a bed in a too white room, clearly a hospital room, which is full of weird machines and things like needles and some medical stuff for urgencies on the table which lies next to his bed.

And right next to him, is his mom. Anne is made a mess, pale and with big bags under her eyes, her clothes dirty and looking greasy, which is weird considering that Anne is really pending of her appearance.

As soon as Harry opens his eyes, his mother jumps on him and start kissing his cheeks nonstopping, muttering things Harry can’t understand at all because he’s still coming back to earth.

“Harry, you’re alive,” Anne mutters and wipes her nose, this time giggling with happiness. “Thanks of God, you’re alive.”

Harry opens his mouth to reply but, as soon as he tries to make a sound, his throat aches awfully. He closes his mouth and presses his lips together, looking at his mom. She shakes her head and rest a hand on Harry’s chest.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” she whispers and oh, Harry feels like he’s missing something really important.

Anne strokes Harry's curls lovingly and smiles under her tears. Her sad expression isn't predicting anything good. Harry, whose heart is beating really fast, and he can feel the itch on his throat, tries to talk one more time, but once again, no words, just pain.

"Sweetie," Anne says and her voice sounds drowned, as she's doing her best not to cry in front of his son, "why did you do it? Why?" She asks. "Louis told us about Mr. Hippo and what you did... Oh God, my Harry."

Louis. The three words. The memories fall on Harry quickly and without any warning. He remembers the night, the kisses, making love with Louis, and how much he deserved to be truly loved.

He remembers the pain, the weird sensation, his motionless body...

Harry raises the hands to his throat and wraps it with both hands. He opens his mouth, but this time his totally sure that no sound will come out of it. Indeed, he has no voice.

He raises his eyes to his mother; she grabs him by his wrist and gives him a kind squeeze.

"Harry. You lost the ability to talk. Harry, you're— You're— mute," she speaks low, broken. She's hurt.

Not Harry. He feels nothing. Maybe Anne was expecting him to regret, in fact, a normal person would have regretted, but Harry doesn't feel bad or regretful, not a sight. He was absolutely sure when he did it, and he saw his face when he spoke his words... And, for the record, Louis told his words. To him.

Harry quickly runs his gaze by the room, trying to spot Louis, but his boyfriend is nowhere to be seen. Anne bites her lower lip and waits a second before saying, "he's outside. Louis, I mean. I told him to wait outside."

Harry's heart clenches when his mom talk, because he knows her far enough to know that Anne is blaming Louis. She's blaming him for what Harry has done and that's stupid, because Harry is old enough to know which his decisions are.

The young boy is about to talk just because he's used to do it, but when words don't come, he makes a mimic of writing, asking his mom to give him a notebook. She quickly gives him a paper and a pen, and Harry starts writing.

Harry writes down all his feelings. He writes about how much in love he has been with Louis since he met him, about how he knows that Louis is the one. He also writes about Louis giving everything to him, and him not having anything to give to Louis.

Once he's done, Anne reads the letter on silence. After finishing it, she looks at his son, smiles affectionately at him, and without giving any explanation she walks away of the room.

Moments later, Louis is the one who walks into the room. His tired eyes light up when he sees Harry, and he hurriedly runs to him. Harry opens his arms and puts his boyfriend in the warmest hug, kissing Louis's head while he buries it on his chest, whispering lovely things.

"Harry, thanks of God. I was so scared, I thought I was losing you. Harry, you are here; you are real," Louis sobs, his eyes growing wet.

Harry faces his boyfriend and stares at his face like he was an angel made on haven. Then he joins their lips. Louis gasps in the kiss and quickly wraps Harry with his arms, and even when he's happy, he can't stop the sobs.

"I guess this is what people call 'true love' eh?" The voice of Gemma fills the room. Harry breaks the kiss and turns to the door, where his mother and sister are standing, smiling at the couple.

He nods at them, holding Louis tightly in his arms.

"Here's the doctor, Harry," Anne announced and a middle aged man enters in the room. Louis quickly gets off the bed and sits down next to Harry.

“Mr. Styles, I’m sorry to give you bad news: you lost your voice, and you probably won’t be able to recover it again.”

Louis is by his side, holding his hand. Silent tears fall down his cheeks, but he says nothing, staring at the doctor with a serious face. Anne and Gemma are also there, and both of them seem terribly heartbroken.

Harry nods. He just nods because he doesn’t know what to do. In the weirdest way, he’s not regretting. He doesn't regret even when the idea of not talking never again falls into his mind like a heavy rock. He’s not regretting, because he gave his voice just to let Louis know what he felt for him.

Harry gives Louis a warm squeeze of hands and turns to him. Louis wipes his running nose and leans in to press a lovely kiss in the edge of Harry’s mouth. Then, the couple turns to the doctor.

“I know what you did, Mr. Styles,” the doctor says, and even when he’s meant to sound rude, he seems extremely pleased at Harry. “You mother and this boy over here told me,” he says, pointing at Louis. “I didn't want to get into your business, but we needed to know what had happened. You’re really brave, Mr. Styles. You should be proud of yourself.”

After a boring chat about medial issues with Anne, the doctor goes away and leaves the four alone in the room. Gemma sits on the edge of the bed, and Anne sits down next to his son and starts weeping weakly.

“Harry,” she stutters, "we should have helped you.”

Harry shakes the head and turns to his sister. She seems really sad, like she has lost something she won’t get back again. Harry gives her a smile she doesn’t return and then places a hand on his mother’s shoulder.

“We’re really proud of you, Harry,” Anne confesses. “At first— I mean, it’s clear how much you love Louis. And I only want you to be happy, if you’re happy with him—”

“Anne,” Louis mutters. He’s staring at Anne with such respect, welcoming the words spoken by her as a miracle. Anne smiles at Louis and Harry nods frantically with the head and turns to his boy, who’s still crying. He leans to his side and kiss him on the mouth, and they remain there for a while, lips joined and hands intertwined.

Louis speaks with so much sadness; it makes Harry grab him by his arms, forcing him to get on bed and curl up at his side. Louis obeys and rests his head on the crook of Harry’s neck. Harry looks around, trying to find the notepad, and Gemma notices it.

“What do you want, Haz?”

Harry makes the mimic of being writing and his sister suddenly stands up and looks for a notepad and a pen inside his bag. When she gives them to Harry, he writes down:

 

**You’re worth it. You’re my life now, and I wanted you to know it.**

Anne smiles and nods with the head, while Gemma glances at Louis and gives him a smile that is meant to make peace between them.

“Louis, take care of my boy, ok?” Anne asks, and Louis does nothing but nod. “I don’t blame you. I did at first, but I can’t blame you now. Not when I see how happy my son is with you. I’m really glad Harry found you, love.”

“Thank you, Anne,” Louis’s voice sounds like a tiny whisper.

“No need to,” she says and winks at him. “Let the happy couple be alone, Gems.”

When Anne and Gemma leave the couple alone, Louis quickly climbs on Harry and adjusts his tiny body to his boyfriend. Harry embraces him and kisses him endlessly on the mouth, and the cheeks, and the neck, and in every single part of skin.

“You didn't need to do it, Harry,” Louis whispers.“I already knew.”

Harry asks for the notepad, and Louis gives it to him. Harry rests in on Louis’s legs and writes:

 

**Once again, you are worth it, Lou. Don’t want you to feel guilty, that’s shit. I mean the three words I said to you.**

 

Louis can’t say anything, so he just kisses Harry tightly, and he thinks it’s unfair that he can’t be anymore close to him. Like, maybe melt their bodies into one would be fine.

Harry breaks the kiss and grabs the pen again, Louis curiously staring at him:

 

**One more thing, Lou: would you marry me?**

 

To think that Louis might have answered other thing than yes, it’s nonsense.

 

♥

 

It’s not that bad, forty years old Harry Styles thinks. It’s not that bad to be mute, not at all. Louis is the one who yells at their three little boys; Louis is the one who sings in the shower, but he’s the one who makes Louis moan on pleasure at night. He is the one whose glance makes his children understand they just did a mistake. Harry learns how to speak in different ways.

A forty years old Harry thinks that if he had to live everything again, he’d have chosen to live it in the same exact way. _“I love you”_ is a powerful thing to say. Harry realizes about it now. And he doesn't regret.

Not a bit.

Because he never meant a thing as much as he meant the three words he said to his lover, risking his life to make Louis know how much he loved him.

_Fin._


End file.
